Harnaam Kaur's Story:

 

Dearest South Indian Women and Men

It is perfectly alright to show emotion, to show that you don’t have everything perfectly in order, or that you don’t have all the answers about where you are heading. It is perfectly ok to not look the part, to be different, to not have the same values as everyone in your family. You are ok just being yourself and not following a herd of sheep who are being blindly led by other sheep. You are perfectly fine speaking your mind, for crying when things aren’t right, for being angry that we still live in a patriarchal society where Men should be men, and women should be women. It’s ok that you chose your career over the prospects of getting married and having children. You are more than entitled to live life the way you wish to.

 

Mental health, emotion, showing vulnerability is a sign of weakness within our south Indian community. We came from a culture when women are to be seen and not heard, where women are beaten for having opinions or for going against family and husbands wishes. We are from a culture where men have to be tough, have strong skin and must provide for their families. Anything other than this means that there is some kind of disturbance or disrespect within the house hold; or the family has been struck with black magic.

Yes times are changing and the situations that I have just mentioned may have changed for a percentage of the community, but it is still something that happens. Men are not allowed to have sex with other men, and women with women. Women are still body shamed and judged when questioned about the prospect of marriage. There are so many do’s and dont’s that have to be followed that it can be too much to bare. The whole notion of “disrespect vs honour” is crazy and a very large burden for people who are Indian to hold on their heads; no wonder people are aching for a more positive life. 

I have had many strains; I know I don’t look like the “regular” woman and due to this I have been horridly judged and shamed by my own community to the point where I can’t even visit my family in India; thank you Death threats. I can take the easy path, remove my beard, find a “normal” job, get married, have children and live a kush life. Every day that I wake up, I make a conscious decision to do anything but that. 

I have my days where my mental health gets the better of me. I suffer from anxiety; I try my hardest to stop it from getting hold of me where I find myself to not do anything throughout the day, but instead stay at home feeling sorry for myself. The fact is, the world never stops, people will never stop accomplishing their dreams. Your strive to attain your aspirations and goals should not be put on hold because your mental health has gotten the better of you. Your self-pity shouldn’t stop you from moving forward. Heal from your past, create a future and use the time you have now to pave a way to your destination. 

Whenever I feel myself falling into a pit, I let myself feel the emotion, I allow myself to be angry and upset. I know that once I fall I will get back up taller and stronger. You just have to. This world and time stops for no one.  It is up to you how you deal with your hardships. If I were you, realise your triggers and what gets you down, and fight with all your might. You are greater than your trials and grander than any troubles that you face.

-Harnaam Kaur